Wednesday, June 05, 2002 ::: word association ... ... ... argh! hate - anger - filled - emotion - suffering - killing - death - hate - fuck - this - so - much - shit - pain - why? - don't know - clueless - helpless - useless - hopeful - blind - see - madness - crawling - crazy - idiot - stupid - bad - choice - horrible - horendous - stupendous - magnificant - craptacular - amazingly - screwed - up - the - ass - with - a - hot - iron - ouch - wow - damn - bun - weed - smoke - dope - hallucinate - fascinate - escape - fantasy - fantastic - dream - scream - nightmare - scare - care - don't care - hair - pulling - agravated - hated - pissed - PMS - bitching - itching - twitching - going crazy - hazy - blind - time - none - fun - zero - hero - defeated - beated - fly - sky - fall - drop - heart - break - shake - battered - scattered - thoughts - hot - tempered - cold - outside - tim hortons - 6 o'clock - home - dome - cage - rage - parents - drive home - drive crazy - drive me crazy - drive school - sister -university - broke - money - poor - future - bleak - seek - job - volunteer - 40 hrs. - school - not cool - stress? - yes! - my god! - God? - none - if so - where? - not here - there? some where else - but - not - here - fear - tear - cry - die - *sighz* - thigh - sex - yes? - no - oh - too bad - sad - pathetic - looser - boozer - party - soon - well - hopefully - if - parents - allow - but - might - fail - math - mad - sad - had - so - much - time - then - why - i - waste? - date - Dec. 22nd - when - then - pivotal - moment - so - much - lost - but - book - 7 Habits - habit - good friend - end - 2001 - begin - 2002 - new - year - me - cheer - happy - loving - love - verb - action - do - did - to - friends - now - it - ends - here - why? birthday - met - someone - my - heart / mind - led - astray - day - March 23rd - wow - now - look - back - not - proactive - allow - self - to be - determined - by - others - situations - and feelings - dealings - with - the - heart - start - falling - down - again - then - in love - naive - believed - forgot - myself - helped - too - much - others - forgot - school - not - good - now - screwed - summer school - hope - but - no - hopeless - quit - focus - other - something else - future - prepare - scared - worry - hurry - units - grades - have - to - be - good - above 85 - strive - to - keep - alive - academic - medic - call - for - help - need - life - support - people dying - people crying - bloodshot eyes - bloodstained sleeves - morbid poems - scary - hairy - "EEE!!!" - lolz - stupid - joke - really - mean - ha - ha - ha - blah - blah -blah - MSN - too much talk - GAH! - AH! - should - be - working - but - me - blogging - now - why? - don't know - this - took - half - an - hour - power - to change - the - situation - none - powerless - absolutley - no - influence - to - make - for - the - better - but - can - fake - a - smile - fail math - who cares? - father - bother - forget - him - it's - about - me - my - life - my - strife - not - him - fuck - him - I - know - I - don't - stand - alone - people's - parents - strict - dicks - try - fix - our - lives - try - control - our - lives - but - they - don't - have - the - right - they - must - help - us - not - make - our - choices - i - choose - fail - math - he's - pissed - his - problem - not - mine - my - problem - getting - good - grades - for - university - in - humanities - who - needs - advanced - calculus - to - be - social worker - i'll - do - what - i - want - i'm - not - stupid - i - look - at - future - they - want - to - help - tell - me - living - in - the - real world - so - i - can - learn - don't - live - it - for - me - anyways - parents - frustrating - don't listen - deaf - dumb - me - don't talk - supposed - to - listen - stand - understand - them - but - not - understand - me - no empathy - apathy - cause - by stress - pressure - academic - and - social - forget - it - forget - social - forget - friends - for - now - it - ends - here - for - now - so - i - say - goodbye - before - i - die - won't - lie - i - cry - asking - self - why - was - so - stupid - earlier - on - was - not - proactive - reactive - active - act - now - work - logging - off ...
